Why am I still here?

I'm a fuck up
I'm a loser
I'm my own personal mental abuser
My head fucking hurts, hope it's a tumor
If it is i just might die sooner
You say: ''boy don' talk like that''
I say: ''or a heart attack''
You say: ''what the fuck you tryna do?''
I say: ''I'm not doing anything, i got nothing left to prove''
I don't know why I'm still here
And i don't why you still care
I don't know why I'm still here
Or why you care
why do you care?
I don't know why I'm still here
And i don't why you still care
I don't know why I'm still here
Or why you care
why do you care?
I dont wanna be here but I'm too afraid to die
Can't say I haven't thought about giving it a try
I tell people I'm happy but that's a fucking lie
I guess I'm just afraid to tell those I love goodbye 
I look at the stars in the sky, and I just want them to shine some light on me
I see clouds suspended in the sky, and I just want them to float away with me
I look at the stars in the sky, and I just want them to shine some light on me
I see clouds suspended in the sky, and I just want them to float away with me

''I'm a fuck up, I'm a loser, I'm a fuck up, I'm a loser'' these are the toughts that haunt me at night. The thoughts that wake me up at 3 am. The thoughts that bring me to tears in class. 
I've lived with these thoughts for all my teen years, and I'm still not sure how to get rid of them.
I've been getting better this last period and I gotta say, I've never been this scared in my life. 
I've lost people fighting my same battle, but I still am making it through. And I'm scared. Why am I still here? HOW am I still here? I don't know. I don't know: I really don't know. I dont deserve this. I'm a fuck up. I'm a loser. Hahaha there they are again, the thoughts. I know they're gonna be the death of me one day, but not today.

lem