A waste of time

30.03.21

Dear friends,

here we go again. Another day, another thought. 

Last thursday was one of the worst days of my life. I really wanted it to stop. Yet here I am, 5 days later, still breathing. 

I feel like every time I write here it's always when I'm at my worst. It's like it doesn't get better, and maybe that's the truth of it. It doesn't get better. It seems like it does sometimes, yet it always goes back to sh*t. But maybe that's just life. Maybe we're all meant to keep suffering and fighting. 

It's kind of funny, if you think about it. We all pour our faith into a so called ''God'' hoping this benevolent being will bring us salvation. We're all so blinded by the idea of a caring and loving overlord, we close an eye when He slips up. If God was so benevolent, why would he let us suffer? Why would he watch us fight and kill each other, without even batting an eye? The answer people give to these questions is usually ''God works in mysterious ways''. I say that's bullsh*t. That just proves what I've been saying until now, blind love. The answer I think would be more fair is tht God isn't perfect. God isn't a benevolent or an unkind being. He is simply not perfect. To back this claim, I present the paradox of God knowing everything: if God knows everything, then He must know what being evil is aswell.

Anyways, that was a tangent. This whole blog post is one big train of thought. 

To get back to what i was saying before the blasphemic tangent, life doen't get better. It's a cycle of good and bad. We are constantly winning and losing. One happy moment is matched with a sad one, and I think that's important. The bad moments humble us and makes us appreciate and value the good ones. 

There is no real reason to life, or at least I haven't found one. You simply have to find your own. We all die some day, so why die now, if that's the end for everyone anyway. The only thing in this life you have control over is yourself. Who you are, what you do, where you go, what you eat, what you wear. It's all up to you. It's a scary thought, having that much resposibility. Maybe that's why we turn to God, to give some of that control over to someone we deem more responsible. 

This was all just a waste of time and word vomit.

Sorry, friends.

With love,

Lem